I am so fucking sick of facebook and the way that it infiltrates my mind and my doings and my comings and goings and the stupid headspace im going to be in for that day and whether or not a feel successful or pretty much a total failure
Dependent on what my classmates from Earlham college are doing a place where the people were completely ahead of me in the game before they even got to college with trust funds cars of their own private schooling and lineage coated in gold leaf a palimpsest of genetic heritage going back generations and me with my crappy public school education and my twenty dollar bill to live on a week
Im not sure I even felt inferior at the time but that’s because I didn’t know any better and they were slumming so as not to make the rest of us feel bad about it I didn’t know I was lower middle class until I found out what some of my classmates had in the bank
I was oblivious to all of this however I was so keenly excited to be in a place where somebody actually cared what I thought and I had a chance for the first time in my life to explore subjects in depth and to be actually challenged, challenged so much for me who had slid by on straight As in Peoria’s bullshit public schools
I can’t believe I even let it get to me let the solidity of jealousy creep in and make me less of a human being it drives me crazy that they seem to be STILL either wildly wealthy or famous or still doing really good extra good things for the poor of the world or just being better than me in multitudinous ways!
The women don’t seem to have kids very much and the men seem to have married women much younger than them oh some things never change thanks for fucking nothing facebook! I’d have never known ANY of that unless I’d decided to go to my reunion which for me doesn’t even apply because I couldn’t stick out the incestuous nature of Earlham’s dating scene you’d sleep with somebody and then they’d sleep with someone else (who you of course knew) and then on and on…ad nauseum
Those east coast kids with their Waldorf and Montessori and Friends school pasts, already eating off the plate of second helpings that they were entitled to by birthright, and then me being mad about it because I wasn’t from that class it is so STUPID it makes me CRAZY to even think about how DUMB I AM BEING when I know that in actuality they tended to be the best people I have ever known the most sincere and conscientious and kind although it’s easier to be all of those things when you never had to worry about your future or being smart or having enough money
Fuck you facebook! Thanks for ruining a nice memory for me! Or thank you for bringing the absolute worst out in my personality! FACECRACK CAN FUCK A DUCK
2 comments:
I’ve been thinking about a comment for a little while and you may have moved on by now but … I have at times reacted to updates and profiles on Facebook in a similar way. It is easy to compare oneself to what others are posting and feel one isn’t measuring up. So I try to remind myself that, with venues like Facebook, we don’t have to compete with other people. Each of us has things to be proud about. Not necessarily proud when compared to other posts, but proud compared to a previous versions of ourselves. I think we can be proud when we accomplish something that our past selves (whether a past self of years ago or just last week) didn’t have the skills or knowledge to accomplish or didn’t choose to try to accomplish.
yes, Andy, you are right.
(I forget about and neglect my poor blog, so I'm late getting your comment!)
I have "hidden" the people who drive me crazy. That and not spending very much time on FB has helped a lot.
It's just another case of 'keeping up with the Joneses,' isn't it?
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